romancing the "stone" (better yet, the ice-maiden)

I traipsed to work this morning (traipsed pa talaga, diba?), enjoying my favorite breakfast food ever – taho. Hahaha. I happen to like simple things as well, you know, despite my obvious penchant for the extravagant. I also had a stupid grin plastered on my face. God knows why. :)

I LOVE taho. Seriously. I could eat it everyday. When I was studying in Ateneo, I HAD to have taho before taking a long exam, midterm or final. Brain food, I would call it. And it worked because I was thisclose to graduating with honors. Darn. Oh, well. Five semesters on the Dean’s List isn’t so bad, not to mention the fact I didn’t take them sissy classes either. Only person to get an A in Ched Reyes’ Philosophy of Man class. That MUST count for something.

I started to think about school, and how upon landing the Dean’s List the first time I had called my dad right away to tell him because I was sooo sure he’d be proud of me. And he was! Well, that got me to thinking about last night, about how my Father kept sending me His little “love notes.”

Any woman (or man) familiar with the book Captivating will recall a chapter on how, as the Lover of our Soul, God romances us too. This week, He’s been doing that more than usual.

Take Sunday, for example. I had the blessing of being asked to sing with the music team unexpectedly for the morning services, and somewhere during the song Here I Am To Worship I just got so.. kilig! I’m not kidding. Last week kasi I’ve been praying to God to keep me focused on Him because I feel slightly distracted by my crush (ugh!). Every morning, I’d wake up and say “God, You’re my First. I love You. You are above ALL things.” Anyway, somewhere in the worship, I just felt so overwhelmed by His love. It was.. AMAZING. And maybe it showed because Dianne texted me in the afternoon:

Dianne: Have a wonderful week ahead too! Oh by the way… I LOVED the way your hair was fixed this morning while singing! Hehe! Iba ha… Yeehee.

So, yeah, God’s been romancing me. Affirming me in my desire to put Him above everything (and anyone) else.

Which brings me back to last night.

I’ve never really had much confidence in myself, especially when it comes to doing “church-y” things. Like in cell group. As I told Michelle last night, “I am the LAST person who you'd imagine sitting here!” Not because I didn’t want to be there but because I used to be REALLY, umm, angsty(?). Basta. So, in a way, I felt un-worthy to lead because I didn’t feel credible. But that’s a LIE.

I was texting with Kitty last night after cell (she had vertigo and couldn’t attend) and she told me this:

Kitty: Wow great! Am so glad :-) Thanks also for filling in. Linny and I think you’re a good cell leader na. :-)
Chiko: Omigosh. Thank you for that. That really means a lot. :) I appreciate the trust and confidence. Thank you!
Kitty: God uses all of us naman e :-) Coz bottom line is He’s the one who touches their hearts. Anyway, all we have to be is available for Him to speak thru :-) You’re more than ready Chiko :-) Great job.

So many other things happened last night but the message I got from God is this: Everything will be alright. He is pleased.

Unlike with our earthly fathers, we don't have to do anything to win God's affection. (Not that I have to do anything to win my dad's approval, but you get the point..) He just LOVES us. Simple as that.

Keep me as the apple of your eye;
hide me in the shadow of your wings (Psalm 17:8)

*Sigh.*

___________________
On another note, I am compelled to post this morning’s super enjoyable conversation with my Reg:

Chiko says: want to know something funny?
Red.Writes... shooting says: o?
Chiko says: i've been attending victory for almost 3 years now (can you believe) and it's funny because it took forever for me to commit. even when i attended victory weekend na.. i was never vocal about my christianity. linny really had a headache trying to get me to even attend service. but this year.. grabe. i'm so grateful that i attended the service during volunteer weekend. if linny hadn't been sitting next to me, urging me to try out for music ministry.. i don't know if i'd be like this today.. i'm so amazed at God's destiny for me.. yun lang..
Red.Writes... shooting says: isn't he the most amazing???
Chiko says: AY, SUPER. sometimes i feel so overwhelmed..
HAHAHA. can you believe this is me talking! parang alien!!!
Red.Writes... shooting says: hahaha. i'm soooooo happy for you chich... really. Galing talaga ni God.
Chiko says: hahaha. He's really wonderful.
Red.Writes... shooting says: i'm so glad that God changed my heart... and he's still changing me. and it's sooooo amazing.
Chiko says: we are constantly being renewed.. and i see it in you. honestly.. that's why i'm so thankful to franco because i've never seen you so focused. or at peace. you have much to be proud of
Red.Writes... shooting says: maybe that's why i don't fight you anymore. hahaha
Chiko says: hahaha. maybe
Red.Writes... shooting says: and maybe that's why you don't fight me anymore too.
Chiko says: linny once told me that sometimes when people are destined to do great things together they're sometimes intentionally pushed apart so they can't accomplish them. maybe we're meant to do wonderful things together now
Red.Writes... shooting says: i think so too. like what?
Chiko says: you'll direct the adaptation of my book. Hahaha. you know i'm writing one, right
Red.Writes... shooting says: the one you're writing now??? YES
Chiko says: hahaha
Red.Writes... shooting says: that's something to look forward to!
Chiko says: awww.. reg..
Red.Writes... shooting says: what if quark asks for it?
Chiko says: nah.. it's yours. it's beyond his capabilities. he won't see the heart behind it
Red.Writes... shooting says: hahaha. i want to read the final draft before it gets published.
Chiko says: hahaha. it'll be finished the day before my wedding. that's how it ends. so it's a work in progress. God knows when it'll be done
Red.Writes... shooting says: oh no... i'm scared that might be sooner than i think.
Chiko says: hahaha. nothing to worry about, sweetie!!
Red.Writes... shooting says: where are you sending it for publishing?
Chiko says: no idea.. if not, i'll publish it myself
Red.Writes... shooting says: i pray it will be a best seller.
Chiko says: i'm grateful that God has gotten me well-connected though. it's pretty much just my testimony, sweetie
Red.Writes... shooting says: what is it... like a memoir? an autobiography?
Chiko says: no, it's semi-fictional
Red.Writes... shooting says: title?
Chiko says: i'm reading passion and purity by elisabeth elliott now.. so it's sorta like that it's my way of glorifying God while i "wait" i'm deciding on: adventures in singlehood
Red.Writes... shooting says: ah...
Chiko says: chronicles of a young woman's journey into love. something to that effect. i don't really have one yet.. but the theme is waiting and how God renews us, and eventually brings us to where we are supposed to be
Red.Writes... shooting says: I LIKE IT ALREADY.
Chiko says: really? that means a lot to me.. of course, being chiko.. it has to be a little wacky and quirky. pretty much my life now. bwahahaha.
Red.Writes... shooting says: remember that conversation we had about you trying to be different because you don't want it to be ordinary?
Chiko says: hahaha. yeah.. that really "upset" you.. got you all, um, frustrated
Red.Writes... shooting says: HAHAHAHAHA. is that in the book?
Chiko says: haven't written that part yet.. probably will. a fictionalized version of you will be in it.. largely edited. i want to be fair to all my "boys". but you'll all know who you are. but everyone else won't have a clue!
Red.Writes... shooting says: HAHAHAHA. i can't wait to read it.
Chiko says: awww.. not till i get married. you can read the draft though
Red.Writes... shooting says: so is the book gonna be done on the wedding day? or after? drafts are welcome.
Chiko says: hahaha. i planned it in such a way that my final entry is to be written the day of my wedding. but of course that will have to be edited. so i guess while i'm on honeymoon, you can go over the draft
Red.Writes... shooting says: HAHAHAHAHA. i'm finding you really funny now.
Chiko says: eh? why?
Red.Writes... shooting says: i don't know. funny in a good way.
Chiko says: hahaha. you mean the whole "marriage" thing believe me.. it's something i'm embarrassed about because i've been against it for so long.. but God really put that desire in my heart eh.. ack. chiko is a pod-person!!
Red.Writes... shooting says: no it's not about that... i don't know why but i'm just really enjoying this whole conversation
Chiko says: hahaha